Maternity Leave

The first few weeks of maternity leave were TOUGH because I didn’t feel well, I was sleeping on a couch sitting up because of c-section stitches, and I was getting up several times a night to feed Gracie or try to pump. It’s a blur of surviving and getting to know my new baby. I had this overwhelming sense of impeding doom/fear/excitement/worry/trepidation. I had thoughts of: life is so brief and my parents will die some day and I love them so much and they’re so supportive so how will I bear it and will they get to see Gracie grow up? And will I be alone forever? Will I have to do it on my own forever and will Gracie have siblings? And is Gracie going to survive or will I wake up one night and she’s not breathing? And it would be nice to go on family vacations with a husband! Etc., Etc. Thoughts exacerbated by hormonal upheaval and sleepless nights.

I survived all that by praying quite a bit and coming to the conclusion to live in the moment and enjoy what life is giving me now and not worry about the future and everything that could possibly go wrong. And God sure has blessed me so I thank him for that and am just enjoying where my life has taken me. A year ago I had just started taking steps to TRY to have a baby. And look! WHAT? I have one! And she’s the most marvelous thing I’ve ever made.

After about six weeks, I was basically completely healed and I felt GOOD again for the first time in like a year! I wasn’t pregnant anymore and I was suddenly realizing how AWESOME that was. I could eat uncured meat and drink alcohol again! And I could move around without every muscle in my back and hip aching for days. Since I wasn’t working yet, I had time to do things!

So I restarted a blog, and I designed a children’s book for Gracie. I’m going to read it to her as soon as she is able to comprehend things and tell her the story of her birth. I don’t want it to be a surprise that I spring on her one day, I want her to know how she came to be from the very beginning. So the story has simple language when she’s a baby, accompanied by my crude illustrations, and then along the sides or bottom, it has the complete story full of details, which is basically what I wrote here in this blog.

Also, I looked in a mirror and was like, “Enough is enough!” so I responded to a Facebook ad for a kickboxing challenge in Fort Collins. The challenge went for six weeks and this is the last week. I was supposed to lose 25 pounds or six percent body fat. I’ve lost about 12 pounds so far so I may not make it by Friday. However, I feel good that I’ve taken the stepping stone of exercising and getting in shape again. And that I made SOME progress.

Now it’s December and I have just a few weeks until Jan. 6, when I return to school. THAT will take some getting used to again! This has been a glorious time of bonding with my adorable daughter and spending time with family. I have to get my head back in the game of commuting to work and making a difference in middle schoolers’ lives and not being able to take mid-day naps! While still possibly attending to Gracie in the middle of the night!

Front and back page of my book for Gracie:

A few inside pages:

Kickboxing: