Let's never talk about this year again

I like all the memes. They make me feel better. Like the one that says, "On Dec. 31, let's all have a shot and then never talk about this year again." I would hope that the effects of this year do not carry beyond Dec. 31, but sadly, that will not be.

I think I stopped writing because I got busy doing online school, then enjoying the weirdest summer ever, then doing online school again. So here are some highlights.

• We were all sent home and had to figure out how to online teach! 15 percent of my kids participated.
• I hiked more this summer than ever before.
• I learned to paddle board and went to Boyd Lake more than ever before! (once it opened).
• If you can call riding the board like a fat canoe "paddle boarding..."
• I also hung out with close friends more than usual (I guess I travel a lot in the summers...?)
• Gracie turned 1 on Aug. 31. She learned to crawl. And wave. And point. And stand up. All those cute things babies do. Also, she's the cutest baby on the planet.
• I went back to school, unpacked my classroom and set up, learned that my FTE was reduced and I was joining the virtual academy, repacked my classroom, and brought it all home to my storage unit.
• My AUNT decided to move to Colorado from Nebraska, hunted for a place with us all summer, bought a house in August and moved in at the end of September!
• Then I started online teaching.

And THAT. 

I did volunteer over my counterpart teacher at my middle school to join the online school because I drive an hour to work, and live with a baby and my parents. So the idea of all that being a little easier sounded nice.

Then reality set in and I was mildly bitter at first because I was told I'd be one of four ESL teachers teaching about 400+ K-12 students. And I was assigned K, 1, 2 and high school. And we had daily scheduled Zoom meetings. (I cried a lot) I had not expected the challenge set before me.

However, then, as one friend says, I put on my "big girl pants" and set to work making the best of it. I rotate with my CLD team planning for the littles. And I learned all about how awesome Loom is when making instructional videos. I think maybe 40 percent of my high school students are doing the work? About half that comes to Zoom meetings and the others just do the work in our online learning system. So I plan weekly for synchronous and asynchronous instruction. There's other little teachery things we have to do - paper work and learning plans. My biggest struggle is how to reach all those kids doing nothing. 

It's a lot of work and sometimes it gets overwhelming but then I take a break and decide that it's OK to take care of myself and only do what I can do! I get to run up and kiss Gracie between classes, and have lunch with my mom. And I go for walk around the block between classes so I keep my steps up. So it's a give and take of work and some rewards.

But holy crap, who could predict a year ago that this is where we would be! Last year was weird enough for me having Gracie, being on maternity leave, coming back for like two months of classes...

Now I wear masks in the grocery store and recoil when someone sniffles near me and walk 10 feet to work and, and I have a BABY!?!?

The pandemic has allowed me to spend more time with family, and not feel stressed out if I'm not making enough time for other people because it's just not a good idea to get together anyway! But I pray for the people who have suffered from it physically or been affected by it - lost jobs, salary cuts, housing issues, emotional tolls. This pandemic is leaving deep and lasting scars.

Corona Virus

Well. Two months after my last blog, which is almost as long as I've been teaching since maternity leave, and I'm back to working from home.

A lot happened quickly in the last few days. Yesterday as I sat in my room, conducting my first day of online teaching to middle schoolers, I felt a sense of... like I was reeling just a bit. The whole country shut down in a matter of days. Stores are out of everything and we can't go shopping or to restaurants.  People are scared. Others are buying up all the hand sanitizer and gouging customers online. Memes on Facebook joke about the rarity of toilet paper. Leaves anyone? Too bad it's winter here so we can't actually go pick some leaves. I guess dead grass? Will probably itch. ;)

Mom said something good that she heard in an online sermon, you can either be scared, or pray. I liked that because in times like this, we should be thinking of others and praying for our relatives and older family members who might suffer.

Two weeks before school actually closed, we started preparing for that eventuality at school, although I didn't think it would really happen. Our principal asked us to assign each student a chromebook in our "home room" class (called Academic Enrichment or AE). We wrote their names on labels and used silver sharpies to write "property of..." the school district on each computer, so the kids could take them home. I kind of thought this was a lot of work for a plan that might never happen.

I started doing "silent classroom" practice with my students where they would log in and find instructions on what to do for classwork in a Google doc. Then they could also use the message feature in docs to ask me questions. Turns out that middle schoolers have a REALLY hard time with self-motivation and reading instructions without a teacher holding their hands. So it was good practice.

And then last Thursday night, March 12, we got the official announcement that school would shut down on Monday. Friday was a flurry of activity, making sure all students had a computer to take home and preparing them to learn online. On Monday, teachers came to school one last time to get any resources or last minute supplies, and to clean up rooms for a deep cleaning while we're gone.

We have gotten emails nonstop from various organizations offering free premium services to their educational products like Zoom, Loom, Kahoot, etc. That part has been amazing and I'll have to experiment with some of them.

Students checked in yesterday. I saw about 15 of 40 kids or so. They asked me questions and attempted to do their work. I made a whole bunch of calls this morning through a translator to get the rest of the kids to log on.

My school had its first staff meeting this morning through Zoom.

This whole thing is a lot! Parents teaching their kids, the whole nation suddenly homeschooling, people layed off or working from home. It's left us all reeling and it will be challenging to recover from this. I pray for everyone and whatever they're going through. Leave me comments here about what it's been like from your end... Sticking together is how we get through this.

Two weeks back at work

So, I was nervous to head back to school. It was nice hanging out at home with Gracie and my mom, going to exercise together and play with my nephews when they came over. The boys both fawn over Gracie and it’s so cute to see! But a girl’s gotta work.

So I headed back Jan. 6. Everyone was very warm and welcoming and happy to have me back. The first day was a work day and our boss had sent us an email that the morning would be “teambuilding” and “prepare to get messy.” I figured it was going to be some collaborative thing involving teams and shaving cream or something. Instead, we got to paint! He invited someone from a painting studio to guide us! Only thing missing was the wine. I told him later that it was like he had planned the activity just for me, because it was the perfect way to start back. I also got to visit with teachers and get my mind back in the game, and it was a nice easy transition. My sub had made me copies for my newcomers and told me where the other classes ended up and by the end of Monday, I felt prepared.

And then the kids came Tuesday. I have great kids. They’re sweet and excited. My first period “homeroom” class (we call it Academic Enrichment) are a group of sixth graders that seem to enjoy whatever I give them! Or at least go along with it. One of the activities we do is a community-building thing where we toss a ball to each other and take turns answering a thought-provoking question like “When is a time you have felt rejected?” After the first couple of times doing it, the kids have asked every day since if we can do the “ball throwing thing.” Which is adorable because try asking a group of eighth graders to stand in a circle and be serious about answering a question about themselves!

I’m starting to get my “sea legs” under me where I’m getting used to getting up at 6 a.m. and getting home at 5 p.m., and not seeing my baby all day…! :( I value the weekends all the more now where I can spend all day with her. She has been waking up once during the night since I started back to work. This means I might get up with her at 2 or 3 a.m., and then go back to sleep for a couple hours. If I sleep! Sometimes my mind starts racing, knowing I have to get up soon.

However, over the last two nights, I’ve added a tablespoon of rice cereal to her bottle, and she slept through the night until about 7 or 8 a.m.! So this week, we both might be getting more sleep! I worry about my mom watching her all the time, wondering if she’s doing OK. However, mom says she LOVES it and I shouldn’t feel at all guilty. Which is just nice because mom is amazing and so giving. And she loves this time spending so much time with her granddaughter.

Last week, Mom texted me as I was about to leave work and said, “Look, Gracie is starting to reach for things!” And I shot back, “Stop her until I get home!” That’s the annoying thing, missing milestones. We’ve had a talk - Gracie and I - about how she’s not allowed to say her first word or start crawling or walking until I’m there. She tracks toys with her eyes but it’s not been until recently that she actually reaches for things and interacts with them. Yesterday, she actually moved a toy ring to her mouth! Which I found exciting.

Oh, also, everyone in my family is getting into the Keto/fasting thing. I find it great and horrifying. We’re all cutting down on carbs and sugar but also, I don’t want to be one of THOSE people that always orders bunless burgers in restaurants! But also, it’s good, because it’s healthy. 

Livin' with the parents...

I came into the baby’s room the other day to find that mom had put a giant comforter over the entirety of the crib because Gracie keeps scooting out from underneath her little pink blanket and mom was worried that she was “cold.” Sleep sack, mom! And I’m all, “but she might suffocate!” and Mom’s all, “She won’t. You kids never got SIDS, my mom’s kids (there were 14) never had SIDS, she’ll be fine.” But she MIGHT NOT BE, MOM. The nice thing is that when I do say, “Well, that makes me uncomfortable, I need you to let me be a first time mom on this one,” she smiles, pats me on the head and says, “Okay, Jess” while thinking about how there were a lot less parenting rules when she was my age.

Mom likes to stay up really late at night. She’s a night owl, like I would be if I didn’t have to work and didn’t have a baby now. I love staying up late and sleeping in! So the printer will go off at random hours like 11 p.m. And mom comes clattering down the stairs to make copies and something crashes to the ground and I roll over in bed like, “whaaa…?”

Or when she wants to put things away! And I’ve said, “Night, mom, going to bed,” and I’m lying in bed reading and starting to doze off, and suddenly she’s traipsing down the stairs, turning on lights (because she can’t see!) to put things away in the closets in the basement right next to my bed (which are a communal space).

Also, everything sounds loud and echoey in my basement room. Let’s not leave dad out here, like at 4 a.m. when biking shoes are clomping across the kitchen floor (right above my bed) and it sounds like he’s rearranging the entire upstairs furniture. Or if I’m trying to take an afternoon nap, it’s usually my nephews storming through the house playing cars, knocking things over and I’m like, “OK. Never mind. I’m not tired.”

That was the roast; here are the nice things:

I help mom cook a lot and she never fails to say how much she’ll miss me when I go back to work. 

Whenever I’m trying to leave the house with the baby, Mom’s always there to help, making sure I have a bottle and burp clothes as I’m putting the baby in the car.

My nice pea coat had holes in both pockets and in the lining, and Mom spent a couple of hours one evening sewing them up.

Whenever I have something to hang, even though I can operate a hammer, Dad takes the projects on, pulls out his tools, and makes it look just right on the wall. :)

Dad will come home some evenings, wordlessly pick Gracie up, and carry her around the house for an hour or two. The best sight in the world.

There have been many times when I've been up with Gracie in the night, that I hear her wake up in the morning and, groaning, I roll out of bed... only to hear mom gently close my bedroom door and go to get the baby up. My parents are the best.

The holidays!

Christmas and New Years were amazing. We did our traditional fondue as a family with Danielle’s family on Christmas Eve and attended a candlelight service. Then I put Gracie to bed and we opened presents. I gave Gracie her storybook on Christmas Day and she adored it. She also got clothes and toys from friends near and far. Christmas is WAY MORE FUN with a baby.

I visited my friend Jo for New Year’s and was enraptured by all the fun I have to look forward to as Gracie gets older (Jo has a feisty two year old boy). Getting into everything and needing your attention constantly and just having those really grumpy days. But also. His sweet toothy grins! He's not one to like people other than his family. But for the first time when he saw me, he had a reaction other than fear and anxiety. He saw me, quietly took my hand, and led me into the living room to watch Sesame Street. Then, as I tried to tickle his feet, he leaned into me as if seeking a hug, so I obliged. 

So I’m not doing resolutions. We all know they don’t work. I had to circle the parking lot at our recreation center Thursday morning to find a space and when I got inside someone said, “It’s the resolution keepers!” Oh right! Those guys! But I am excited for a new year! Last year involved my third year of teaching, being pregnant, buying a house, moving houses, renting out a house, helping my parents renovate their basement, moving home, coming to terms with moving home, having a baby and getting to know my remarkable, beautiful Gracie. This next year I expect to lose weight, find a boyfriend, make a lasting difference in the lives of each of my students (or at least a couple of them) and watch my darling girl start turning into a real person. But if none of that happens, at least I have my good nature, my sweet daughter, my wonderful family and a loving God.

Gracie turned 4 month old on Dec. 31. She smiles at everyone and I’ve gotten her to giggle a few times. The other day she giggled uproariously at Benjamin as he jumped around saying “water bottle” over and over, because him acting like a clown while saying a nonsense word was TOO FUNNY. She’s now working on her screaming and spitting skills, as she likes to alternate a light “I’m not crying but maybe I will soon” scream and burbling juicy raspberries. She loves getting her diaper changed and is still calmly accepting of baths. She slept through the night, 11-12 hours at a time, for about two weeks and then decided, no thanks, 7:30 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. is plenty of time before it’s time for food. After her last bath I just COULDN’T help it and tried out a ponytail and later, pigtails. Oh my, I almost died from the cuteness.